This would have been a great contest

A Plain Dealer wry wit revisited by Richard G. Ellers

The late Robert T. Stock was variously a Plain Dealer reporter, editorial writer, Letters to the Editor editor and a not-often-enough humor columnist.

A spouse-induced chore of cleaning my desk was pleasantly interrupted today when I found a clipping I'd saved, a prime example of Bob's wry wit.

No matter that the date is missing from the clip, most of his words still work, albeit some lines outdated: Sorry, these were pre-computer days, you hadda be there to enjoy them.

Thoughts

by Robert T. Stock

By the time you read this, the Press Club of Cleveland will have picked its news media award winners and they deserve a lot of credit, but I would like to suggest some additional award categories, all in the newspaper section.

As follows:

1 Best news story written while intoxicated.

2. Snottiest remark by assistant city editor to a male reporter under 40.

3. Snottiest remark to an assistant city editor by a reporter (male or female) over 55.

4. Best feature story by a reporter sticking his nose into somebody else's beat.

5. Neatest copy boy. (Repeated efforts to revive this category have failed for lack of competition., but it is worth one more try.)

6. Most imaginative expense account by a reporter working under deadline pressure ("How was I to know they had another hotel in Chicago?")

7. Tallest copy editor who graduated from a Big Ten college.

8. Best sports story written in long hand.

9. Most attractive wig worn by a society editor who does not have a private office.

10. Most incisive quotes composed by reporter writing without help of notes.

11. Best editorial written without nagging fear of facts.

12. Longest hook shot into city room wastebasket. (Separate competition for Plain Dealer and Press due to higher ceilings at Press.)

13. Best sports story written in high German under deadline pressure.

14. Most vicious memo by a reporter who is sure of employment elsewhere.

15. Most vicious memo by a reporter who is not sure of employment elsewhere.

16. Any sports story which gives the score in the first paragraph.

16A. Headline least related to a story.

17. Neatest locker

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